me

87/365

Dear Eva, I’m going to be very honest with you.  I use the camera to hide.  It’s true.  I love you.  I love your brother.  This time around, I actually enjoyed being pregnant.  I love birth.  But…I have a hard time accepting my post baby body.  I’m a little person and you and your brother were both very long babies.  I have stretch marks that while they tell a lovely story of growing secrets, they remain…long after those secrets they once hid have grown.  My boobs are lopsided, and my hair is starting to fall out.  I have bags under my eyes and don’t yet fit my pre-baby clothes.  I feel frumpy and I still have left over aches and pains from pregnancy.  I don’t tell you all of this to whinge — I tell you this because we are women and I know one day you’ll understand.

It breaks my heart that someday, you might feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t ‘look’ like you think you should.  Good enough to whom?  Why everyone and yourself.  I think we as women, are most hard on ourselves.  We have set a bar for appearance in the back of our minds — something that might very well be unattainable for ourselves.  We forget that the outside appearance is so flimsy, so subject to change.  It’s cliche I know, but it’s true — it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

That doesn’t mean that we settle for less with our bodies.  That doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to wear make up or cut our hair or even (dare I say) make body enhancements.  I think we should take care of our physical appearance just as much as our character.  Goodness knows we feel better and more confident when we’re healthy.   But to be honest, if I had to choose between the outside and the inside…sometimes I don’t know.  I think it’s all apart of the parcel…to look great, and feel great and be great.

Some people of recent have dared to say that we shouldn’t comment our children on their looks or appearance but instead focus on their character and the things about themselves that they can’t change.  I think it’s all important.  How will you know that you’re beautiful if Daddy and I don’t tell you?  Constantly?  So I will continue lavishing my compliments on you.  You are gorgeous, my darling.  Stunning inside and out.